InanItah is rolling back to the super shanti vibe of early wet season days, with a sweet small crew. Lots of baking experiments are happening in the new oven, trees are being planted, roofs are being repaired, and spring cleaning is upon us.
We’ve been passing through one of those times around here lately when things feel a bit uncertain and the direction feels a bit unclear. In the past months, we’ve lost of some familiar faces and faced some challenges. In these times of reflection, there are often doubts.
And then a voice from a new volunteer, Mateo, reminds us of the magic that’s always unfolding at InanItah. Faith arises, and we step back confidently onto the path of the heart. We are grateful for this land that carries InanItah. We’re grateful for it’s warmth and it’s fertility. Grateful for it’s inspiration and compassion. Grateful for the people who have left and for the people that continue to return. Grateful for the space to be vulnerable. And, ever so grateful to bear witness to human transformation.
The future fades away daily, no more plans and hopes attack my thoughts constantly. I can only see myself here, holding hands before dinner, telling of our gratefulness before we indulge in delicious home-cooked, organic, fresh food. Or sitting together before we start our daily work flow, and checking-in on how we feel so the day can start anew and any emotions can be expressed. Or watching the fireflies flash a moving universe underneath the motionless one above. Or hugging with intentions of giving and receiving love. When, if, some place else calls, then it will. Being here, now, enters my body through deep breathes and flows strong in me as I sit here writing my truth.
My journey to this exotic and life-filled place began upon the ‘gringo trail’. I arrived in Nicaragua as a man with a tender heart due to a recent separation of my lover. I had a one-way plane ticket flying into Managua and with absolutely no itinerary, only the freedom to invite in all possibilities. I found myself on a local crowded and exciting bus ride to San Juan del Sur and into Maderas beach to meet my dear friend Rob and see where that went. It led me to sadness for my longing of my love, and also to happiness of new friends and connections. Through all these emotions, one constant feeling ran strongest, and it was pulling me right here, InanItah.
A man named David at Maderas first told me about InanItah, and it sounded good, but only as good as words can vibrate the truth. At the end of our conversation, he hugged me and I hugged him. I felt a surge of positive energy, love and I surrendered to the knowing of my being right here. Right now.
The next day I traveled north, six of us in total, and we hopped up the gringo trail to Popoyo beach, rented a small house, and lived luxury within poverty. We slept in hammocks, surfed and ate all the time, spent our money and talked our English. As much as I appreciated these new friends, I knew at the end of our week together I had to start my adventure, on my own, to follow my heart and to heal my being, if it is so.
And it is so. I have been at InanItah one week. Does it matter the days? It matters that this week has been an insightful journey. Yes – I am open. Yes – I surrender. I am finding a sense of wholeness through the doors opened from Gaia’s guidance in the early morning meditations and her skillful afternoon yoga teachings. The clarity of my being split in two halves over the past three years has been shown to me. One – my true self. The other – the me with my lover.
In my case, I realized my attachment is to a person. How do I let go of this attachment? I had no idea. A fellow sister here, sister in the sense of we are all family, asked for a tantra class. What happened revealed a truth to me that is currently and forever healing.
My legs found themselves sitting on the mat of a girl who has been staying here, I had been blinded to her, by my attachment to my past love. I now see her and saw her the same way I see and saw my past love. And I feel the same love, this strong innate connection with her. And to recognize that this can be felt between me and another, and more importantly, between all, gives me strength, joy, and courage to be here. Awareness of my capability of love, awareness of my minds identification with attachment, awareness of my half becoming its whole. My realization of searching my true self. To be me. Not me and….. but Me!
I love Gaia. I love Paulo. I love Curtis. I love Tobias. I love Ash. I love Gloria. I love Milly. I love Chi. I love Rachel. I love Alcides. I love the cooking woman whose name I cannot find. I love InanItah. What has been created here is nothing more then home. And Sadhana; working here as a volunteer, is a blessing. I am grateful for following my heart here. I am grateful for the love we can all feel. Blessed be your journey!